At a networking event held on a rooftop in London during the autumn of last year, a woman, while wearing a navy blazer, balanced a glass of white wine while responding to the question that was bound to be asked: “So, what do you do?” She responded with ease, being the head of strategy at a rapidly expanding technology company. Immediate action was taken in response. Those who are impressed nod. The questions that follow up. She is being drawn closer to the center of the circle by the force of social gravity.
Then, someone inquired about her activities outside of the workplace. There was a pause. One of the smaller ones. Only long enough for me to take notice.
There is a possibility that our jobs endow us with more than just a paycheck. This provides us with a framework. A reason to get up at 6:30 in the morning, a schedule packed with meetings, and Slack notifications that punctuate the afternoon are all examples of this. Structure can be extremely robust. Particularly in a world that appears to be becoming more and more chaotic. On the other hand, if the structure is not checked, it can become substituted.
| Name | Simone Stolzoff |
|---|---|
| Profession | Journalist & Author |
| Known For | The Good Enough Job |
| Focus Area | Work culture, identity, and career enmeshment |
| Reference Website | https://www.simonestolzoff.com |
Career enmeshment is the name given to this social phenomenon. The blurring of boundaries between one’s personal identity and one’s professional role is what psychologists characterize as this phenomenon. When someone describes themselves as a lawyer by saying “I am a lawyer” rather than “I work as a lawyer,” the grammar subtly reveals the merger.
One gets the impression that contemporary culture promotes this kind of confluence. At dinner parties, the question “What do you love?” is not the first question asked. The question, “What do you do?” Children are asked what they want to be, not how they want to live. As time passes, job titles begin to feel less like descriptions and more like definitions of the positions they describe.
It has been argued by Simone Stolzoff, author of The Good Enough Job, that many of us were brought up to view our careers as the primary character in our lives. It is possible that the pressure to find a “calling” will initially feel romantic and almost heroic. On the other hand, it also creates a trap. If your job is who you are, what happens if the job you are doing changes? Perhaps it vanishes?
Layoffs provide a ruthless response to that question.
The loss of her position as a senior manager in Manchester, which occurred during a restructuring, was described as a “identity quake.” Not only did she lose her income, but she also lost her rhythm. Nothing remained of the morning commute. The never-ending stream of emails came to an end. Colleagues from the workplace became more distant. It was a Tuesday, and she admitted that she had no idea what to do with it. The lack of sound was more audible than the amount of work that had ever been done.
It is difficult to ignore the fact that people frequently talk about retirement in this manner—not as a time of rest, but rather as a time of disorientation.
Work, for all its stress, provides rails. The deadlines. There are feedback loops. A transparent indicator of the level of progress. That framework can become addictive for some people, particularly those who are high achievers. When it is absent, the days appear formless. It would appear that investors believe that productivity is evidence of relevance, and a significant number of employees internalize the same logic.
A lack of ambition is not the threat. Over-identification is the problem.
When one’s identity and one’s career are intertwined, criticism at work can feel like an assault on one’s person. What constitutes a professional setback is not a missed target; rather, it is evidence of inadequacy. Performance reviews are essentially judgments on a person’s character. Exhaustion is the result of being vulnerable to that degree.
It’s still unclear whether technology has intensified this merger or merely exposed it. As a result, smartphones blur the boundaries that already existed. After midnight, emails are received. In the middle of dinner, Slack pings. It is whispered to you by the device that you carry in your pocket that you are always needed, and therefore always valuable.
This kind of validation can be very alluring.
In this case, there is a paradox. A great number of people genuinely enjoy what they do. An individual who works as a creative director in Melbourne once shared that she feels as though her work is an extension of her personality. Her campaigns are a reflection of her aesthetic, her taste, and her instincts, all of which are present. As she smiled, she announced, “It’s me.”
However, she acknowledged that it is challenging to step away from something. When your work mirrors your identity, switching off can feel like shrinking.
Burnout is frequently a silent consequence. In the case of headaches, shallow sleep, and irritability, the body is the first to resist before the mind. In an article that was published in Psychology Today, Jeffrey Davis made the observation that excessive work hurts both creativity and productivity, despite the fact that it may feel like a positive thing to do. There is a sense that rest has evolved into a form of defiance in recent times.
When I watch my friends go through difficult times, such as being laid off or having their careers changed, I notice a pattern: those who have identities that are anchored outside of work tend to recover more quickly. The friend who is a member of a band that performs on the weekends. There is a neighbor who coaches young football players. The coworker who vanishes on Thursday evenings with the intention of attending pottery class.
The activities in question are not distractions. Counterweights are what they are.
It is not necessary to give up one’s ambition in order to reclaim one’s identity. Having a diverse portfolio is necessary. Putting in place strict boundaries, such as leaving the laptop in a different room after seven o’clock. It is necessary to decline one more “quick call,” establishing a period of time during which productivity is not evaluated.
There is, without a doubt, skepticism surrounding this piece of advice. In industries that are highly competitive, boundaries can feel like a risk. It is possible that taking a step back could result in a loss of visibility. Taking a step back, on the other hand, might ensure that one maintains their sanity.
In the end, the woman who was wearing the navy blazer provided an answer to the balcony question. The topic of running half-marathons was brought up. performing volunteer work at a local shelter. Reading books written in the nineteenth century. While she was speaking, her posture changed slightly; she became less rehearsed and more relaxed.
It was a brief moment in time. This is telling.
Structure can be provided by work. It has the potential to improve skills, generate income, and foster community. Even aspects of our personalities can be reflected in it. When it becomes the only mirror, the trouble starts to make itself known.
mainly due to the fact that if your job is your identity, then every corporate tremor feels like an earthquake.
In addition, no structure, regardless of how effective it may be, is robust enough to support an entire human being.